The root cause of most problems is communication. It doesn’t matter if the problem is at home or at the office; for most of us, our ability to resolve challenges and issues reflects how well or how poorly we communicate.
For many, the hardest part of communication is actually communicating. We all want to be nice so we don’t say what needs to be said to the person who actually needs to hear it. We hope things will change, though they really can’t without communication. We know that no one can 'read our mind' and yet we assume they understand our perspective. We think that because we said it, it is now understood. These beliefs are what break down communication and minimize the likelihood of progress.
The best communicators are those who can say things in a way that another person can have and actually hear it. If we make someone wrong, we position them to defend. When we are in a defensive posture we don’t hear anything except what our self-talk communicates. The trickiest part of a conversation is that when 2 people are talking, there may be as many as 3 conversations going simultaneously:
- The one you are having with yourself (your self-talk)
- The one the other person is having with themselves (their self-talk)
- The one you are actually having that isn’t really as loud as the one you are having with yourself! (the conversation)
How we communicate affects how people listen. Communication that comes with compassion is where we actually effect change. Being right only serves you. Finding ways to understand, making the other person right and pointing them in a way that gets you aligned is the true art of the great communicator.
And then there are some people who just need communication hit "upside their head!"